OPERATION TOP 4

Dear Poolers,

For those of you below me (blow me fits perfectly) I would honestly call you guys out but the only guy who comes remotely close at giving me hell is Ricky Vallis...so I like my chances, thanks.

Months ago, I called out Rylan McKinley who seemed untouchable. Firing on all cylinders, Rylan actually perplexed me. His team was (and maybe still is, strict maybe) unstoppable and in all honesty, I didn't fear Rylan (because I fear no one - in pools anyway) but I respected him a lot more than most of you papagals.

Now, my team has near failed me in 5th place. With help of some illegal green medical substances I've been taking combined with grocery-store priced Stella Artois, this week I went Heath-Ledger-Dark-Knight nuts in my room talking to myself at late hours and I did a few deals. Did my team get stronger? Did my team get worse? Who knows, questions remain... (que the Unsolved Mysteries theme song).

My proposition to Rylan was simple; if you win I will leave the pool. If I win I take your most prized prospect. With months of speculations of where Rylan is and how he responds, he was nowhere to be see (see Steve Bartman, Chicago Cubs fan - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steve_Bartman_incident). Rylan never accepted my offer; and like any offer, they expire. You can't offer me a Chinese wife over the internet and one year later I say "Hey you know what, I'll take Chun Lee now". Doesn't work that way. So truth is, that offer is gone and I am here to stay until someone challenges me with intensity, integrity, intelligence...even then, we all know I'm the biggest dog around here and I'll chew your bones until they taste stale.

So now, I offer Rylan a truce: For Rylan and I to become the Rock n' Sock Connection, like Mick Foley and The Rock...Yes, Rylan you can be The Rock but I look a lot more like him I'm just saying. We work together until it is just us two, like in the Royal Rumble. But if your back is turned will I throw you over the top rope? Who knows, questions remain...

So listen Eddy Martinez, Mr. "Oh look at me, I'm 6'4 and I'm so damn handsome and I have perfect shoulders" Shut Up. Shut your face. You my friend are in for a rude awakening...everyone says you have the "perfect team"...Hombre, nothing in life is perfect...your team certainly isn't.

The Withers Brothers...Oh, the Withers Brothers...first off, Kevin...I have no clue how the hell you're still in first place, your team looks like Dollard-des-Ormeaux MAGH 2 out there...I'm not too worried about you, you'll fall faster than Burke's love for Colton Orr.

Matt Withers, I like you...but your team is the worst thing I've ever seen. Your team is more awful than Kathy Bates' tits in About Schmidt...if your team was a country, it would be the Congo...if your team was a movie, it would be Congo...if your team was a fighters ground game it would be Cheick Kongo's...you know what, I'm just going to leave it at that.

So Top Four...let it be known, this is bigger than East side-West side...I will pull back no punches. I am coming for all of you and I will die trying. This year for me is kill or be killed. Either I take it home or I walk a long road home (aka 7th Place). Rylan, I offer you a conditional truce...but if you make it to first place again, we have problems not even the humongous-big universe can handle.

SHUT THE DOOR ON THE TOP FOUR.


 "Whether you like it, or you don't like it, learn to love it...It's the best thing going today". - Ric Flair

Alex Giardini
Best Poolster to ever grace 5th Place/Marijuana Enthusiast

BOULI BRIGADE-EARLY JANUARY POWER RANKINGS

(Ah...ah...ah-ah, Stayin' Alive...)

BOULI BRIGADE - EARLY JANUARY EDITION (VOL. 2)

10) Jimmy Howard

Mr. Shut-the-fuck-out is on a roll with Detroit and is a huge reason why Detroit has surged out from below and into a favorite in the Western Conference. He had some shaky performances a few weeks back but the young American is turning into the franchise goalie Detroit thought he would be. As of now, he’s the best goalie in the NHL and only a few would rival him for the Vezina unless there is a breakthrough for some of the NHL’s other net minders.

9) Devante Smith-Pelly

Quite possibly sporting the best full name since Jesus Christ, Smith-Pelly turned heads when he scored against Montreal for Anaheim a few months back. Now looking back at history, when you score against the Canadiens, you become a lord (RJ Umberger, Blake Wheeler) and Devante is NHL ready. He might not amass all kinds of points for his first couple of years but his solid two-way play will help a struggling Anaheim for the future.
 It’s unfortunate that Pelle Pelle was injured for the World Junior Hockey club because the team could have definitely benefited from having him in the lineup.

8) Denis Wideman

It was only a few years ago that we didn’t think much of Denis Wideman. This is probably due to the fact that whenever Montreal played Boston he was paired up with Zideno Chara and that duo looked worse than two steel pylons in center ice whenever we would light them up for five goals. Fast forward to a few seasons later, Wideman is an asset to the Washing Capitals’ power play and is becoming a stronger two-way defenseman in the league. Does it help that Mike Green is somewhere strict sitting in a hospital bed watching all the Twilight movies? Well, more so than not. It doesn’t change the fact that Wideman’s recent performances has provided Washington with a much-needed spark.

7) Jason Spezza

Jason Spezza has also had a recent turn of events. Ottawa’s favorite whipping boy was once driving around with Wade Redden, both auditioning for the roles of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas 2. Now, he has become Ottawa’s most important player; whether he likes it or not. The truth is Spezza is living up to those expectations this season. It’s not like he has  glitz and glamour around him, but he is making the most out of what he has (which is an interestingly red hot Daniel Alfredsson, a surprising Milan Michalek and a offensive force/defensive farce Erik Karlsson).

6) Scott Hartnell

Trust me; I’m as surprised as you are. Not long ago, I paid roughly twenty dollars for his services and it was evident from the get-go he was getting me no more than 47 points. Philadelphia proved me wrong for thinking that all they had was Claude Giroux. They’re stacked squad on paper and are surprising most of us in the East. A natural grinder, Scott Hartnell is turning into an above-average power forward. He’s chatty, he’s annoying and he scores goals and puts up assists for the top line. Best grinder in the league?

5) Henrik Lundqvist

This is one of the other goalies I was talking about. Rangers in first place and although it’s a team effort, King Henry has been disgustingly unstoppable. He’s also quite the attractive, handsome man. (How is Avery the model in New York? Did you see Lundqvist board that plane in those shades on HBO?)

4) Brad Marchand

Five point nights…hat-tricks….its sad…simply because whether you want to admit it or not, Brad Marchand is a type of player the Montreal Canadiens have always been looking for. Fitting he plays on one of the fiercest rivals and he would never…ever…come here.

3) Marian Hossa

Patrick Sharp and Marian Hossa are starting to go together like unprotected sex and HIV. Hossa is having a career year and I don’t know what could possibly slow him down. Unless he gets injured, Hossa could definitely finish top five in the league and is possibly Chicago’s best forward right now.

2) Daniel & Henrik Sedin

It’s getting repetitive talking about how good the Sedins are, putting them on every top ten list, asking yourself which one is better than the other, which one is going to get top honors this year at the awards, which one will have a more successful career, which one will get more points than the other, would one ever get traded, who kills Roberto Luongo first…these guys are just great.

1) Evgeni Malkin

Sidney Crosby leaves big shoes to fill but Malkin is so nonchalant about that. This beast has become a playmaking machine, helping out with assists and goals for a team who should be in pain but are not. Besides the brothers at number two, he’s possibly the best player in the league and if the knee keeps on going, he will no doubt finish at the top of the heap. He’s making Alex Ovechkin look like Boris Mironov out there.